How I Knew My Husband Was the One
As a young lady, I dated a few interesting guys. But in truth, I didn't have many boyfriends. I was totally the long-term relationship type. If I spent time with a guy, I wanted us to build and grow together. Saying that now sounds so incredibly dramatic, because that's not actually how the average sixteen year old thinks. But, that's how I was as a teen. As a result, there was a lot of heartbreak in store for me.
I dated all types of characters: the bad boy, the artsy guy who doesn't wear socks, the liar, the cheater, the dog, and the pig! I dated them all. The guy I dated before I met my husband was "the last straw" I guess you could say. I really loved him and wanted to see him win. But we were super young with different perspectives about life, love and relationships. We wanted things from each other that we were incapable of giving - and in the end we had to walk away.
Doing so was particularly hard. When we broke up, my heart broke too. We didn't end it amicably and we quickly went from being "boos" to enemies. I was in college, young and naive - but heartbreak is heartbreak. That ish hurts no matter how old, and I just wasn't interested in going in that circle too many more times. So after sometime after we broke up, I decided to do something different. I stopped dating completely. I realized that I needed some much needed time to get myself together and reclaim my identity, my worth, and my time. :) (You knew that was coming, lol) I wanted to get stronger. I wanted to be better. I wanted to know how to be in a relationship without losing myself in it for the sake of having it. So I left the boys alone, and clung tight to Christ and my girls.
That time alone was monumental. It was really the first time in my young life that I wasn't a part of someone else's life or agenda. I spent that time with my tv off, Fred Hammond's "Pages of Life" on repeat, lots of retail therapy, chatting up my girls over $5 pizza. Most importantly, my Bible stayed open! I was desperate and eager to get myself together. I searched the Word for what God said about me, pain, love, emptiness - and worked really hard to redefine myself as more than just "his girl".
At times, the quietness in solitude seemed way too loud, so I attempted to date guys on campus. But they wouldn't date me! They told me that I was "the good girl" and they didn't want to hurt my feelings. Ugh! Talk about a door shut that won't open.
In hindsight, it was for my own good. I needed to give my heart some much-needed attention. When spring break rolled around, I was back at my home church hoping that my Pastor would offer some encouragement through the preached word to further lift my spirits and heal my broken heart.
So there I was singing, praying, listening, and learning when I saw him. He was an "ursher" - and he was fine!
"Tasha!!! Stop it! That's how you got in this mess in the first place! FOCUS!"
So I stopped staring, but Lord knows I wanted to look.
A few weeks later, I bumped into him while waiting to speak to a mutual friend after service. He spoke first - and it went something like this:
(cue the violins)
Him: I'm Rob.
Me: Hey, how you doin? I'm Tasha.
Him: Nice to meet you.
Me: Nice to meet you too.
Him: ...what year are you?
Me: I'm a junior. And you?
Him: I'm a senior.
Me: Oh ok. Where you go to school?
Him: Lanham Christian.
Me: Oh ok. So you're in seminary?
Him: No. I'm in high school. I'm a senior in high school. Aren't you in high school?
Me: No! I'm a junior---IN COLLEGE!
(Violins stop. Record scratched.)
We both looked at each other like "Dag, oh well..." But we kept in touch because most of the teens at our church were mad cool and participated in leisure and charitable activities together.
So Robert and I later became really good friends. He always celebrated my wins and offered brief, encouraging emails here and there. It was appreciated. He was my "homie" and that was enough for me.
Then...dude starts laying on the charm a little thicker and we started catching feelings.
I started liking him...
We started dating...
He courted me...and we fell in love - hard.
He made me feel special and loved. I was absolutely in love with him.
Like most lovebirds, we had big dreams and wanted to get married. He wanted three kids, I wanted four. It was clear - we want to spend our life together. So after a year out of school, he proposed and I said, "Yes". Four months later, we got married at our home church in Washington, D.C. and then moved away to start our life together.
Fast forward 12 years later - Rob and I are still married with two beautiful boys. We've let go of the 3-4 kids dream. Our boys are super active! Our hands are full!
But seriously, we're still enthusiastically together building our life on our terms. He's a highly respected doctor with a dry sense of humor and I'm the artist whose loud and goofy with more ideas than time in a day. He keeps me focused and I help him to stay loose. I walked with him through his grueling days of medical school and residency and he's always believed in me when I didn't throughout my career as an actor and educator.
If you go even deeper, he's a guy with an immense sense of compassion and wisdom, a devoted and doting father and husband. I'm no different in the sense that I care about the condition of the human heart and I always want to take the best next step so as to not waste time. I really hate wasting time.
So while we balance each other out in many ways, the ways we're alike have proven to be just as important. Essentially, our hearts break over the same issues and we hope to motivate and impact others by meeting needs and showing up for others when it counts.
Now don't get me wrong, we're in love but we're not unlike any other couple that has thought up an alibi to cover for the missing body. We drive each other crazy at times! I can be super dramatic and he can be so chill that I want to pinch him until he screams for mercy! Nothing unfamiliar there, right? I don't think you can spend this much time with someone and not want to jump on them like a spider monkey every once in awhile. But it doesn't matter, at the end of the day or a headlock, he's still the love of my life. So I refrain from putting the gag-inducing mayo on his sandwich and he refrains from poisoning my coffee. Isn't true love grand? Lol!
The secret? There's no secret. We're not special. There's no book we keep at our bedside that gives us any magic tricks to keep us happy at home. We're not above divorce, scandals, and heartbreak. Simply put, we made our relationship with God a priority at the beginning of our relationship and it has served as a moral compass for all our decisions and boundaries. Trust, respect, friendship, and communication have also been the cornerstone of our marriage. When there's a disconnect, we have never been too timid to meet at the table and discuss our issues and explore solutions. So I guess that's the secret: we just never quit. We never stopped choosing each other. We never stopped coming home. Regardless of the season, we just kept showing up. God blessed our small acts of devotion and so, because of Him, we're still here.